Sunshine, Pouring Rain, Sunshine Again

This post is totally for me. Excuse my non-perfect house. Excuse my non-perfect images. I love both of them and they hold a memory for me so dear that I just have to express it and let it out. You see, it’s been FOREVER since I’ve posted a personal blog. We’ve been having so much fun but I haven’t felt the need to stop and chronicle it. We’ve had our summer fun and before that was Roman’s crazy birthday celebration (happened on the day of the snowstorm in March), his preschool graduation, t-ball games, Superhero class, and choir performances. We’ve done so much and I’ve talked so little because I’ve been trying to soak it all up in the moment. Believe me, I’ve taken the photos! But I am ok with just keeping them for me. And the same goes with this post. I’m sure your facebook page has been flooded with tons of “Back to School” photos and status updates so if you’ve had your fill, then click the little X in the corner, because here comes another one.  🙂

I’m posting this to be able to look back one day as to remember and smile. (and maybe cry a little too.)

Our morning started with Roman and Milo together (as usual) hanging out in Roman’s room. He was showing Milo the very fun letter and gift his new Kindergarten teacher gave him at his Open House. It was a cute poem filled with comforting thoughts about the first day and magic sprinkle dust to place under your pillow for a great night’s sleep in preparation for their first day of school.

Then we headed downstairs where Daddy showed Roman his backpack and lunch.

Roman jokingly asked if the apple in his lunch was for his teacher.

Milo thinks everything Roman does is hilarious.

This was my own little way to bring myself comfort for the day. Writing him a note that I snuck into his lunch so that he would feel loved and supported on his first day. (I put a photo of the four of us on the other side of the note.)

At breakfast, Roman wanted to practice his name.
Left-handed mom tried her best to help her right-handed son. 🙂

Breakfast time! Roman’s choice: Cinnamon Roll, Eggs, and a Waffle.

This is where it started to ‘get real’.

This is an image that I’m used to seeing EVERY morning.

…And not that I won’t see this same image in the morning anymore …but what follows this morning routine of brotherly play just won’t be the same.

Our days of all three of us playing in the living room until lunchtime will no longer be. These days will happen on lazy Saturdays, summer vacation, and holiday break….but never again will this be the picture of daily routine.

And the tears are streaming as I write. I love it and hate it at the same time. I love that Roman is getting a chance at newfound independence and experience. AND I love love LOVE how close my babies are. I love their friendship. And now, growing up and moving on is threatening the ease of that friendship. I can barely stand to think of it.

Several times this morning, I made sure to stop and hug and talk to my baby. My first-born that is now a big kindergartener. He expressed slight concern about leaving but overall he was more than ready. I was confident he would do great. And I’m proud of how much he’s grown in 5 years.

Then we went outside for a few photos. Parents, if you think that taking photos on the first day of school is only a struggle for you non-professionals, think again.

I have 100 photos that look like this…..

and this….

One of those shots you don’t know if you got because you’re desperate to live in the moment, hug your kiddo, smile, wave, and say goodbye all while snapping away on the camera.

But, THANK GOD, I got it!

After that, we wanted to meet Roman once he arrived to school to walk him into class. We jumped in our car, cut a few people off, and got yelled at by a crotchety old man for racing through the neighborhood to beat the bus to the school.

He was so excited and psyched after his bus ride. 🙂 What a fun kid.

Daddy had a moment with his boy. And Milo said goodbye too.

My goodbye was a bit longer. I think I was getting to the point of making other parents and teachers uncomfortable but I don’t regret it one bit. I took my time and said goodbye.

Then I lingered some more and took a few more photos. HA!

And this was how we left him.

He was totally ready. Momma was not. I didn’t even know it. I thought I was fine. I teared up a bit but thought it was over. Then, when I got home, it hit me. The day started off with weather that was sunny with a few clouds lingering overhead. Then, out of nowhere it was pouring, pouring, pouring. In the same way, these were my emotions. I was “ugly crying” my way through the day. I was mourning the loss of our freedom to do what we wanted any day we wanted. I was mourning the loss of the easy-peasy friendship my boys share because all they had were each other. I was mourning the loss of nap time when I’d sneak into Roman’s room and smile sweetly at his peaceful face, the face that ALWAYS reminds me of his newborn face. I was mourning the loss of being in jammies all day just because. I was mourning the loss of control over every aspect of my son’s influence, his well being, his preferences, his education. I was sad and devastated that in a blink of an eye, school had started and things had changed forever.

Poor Milo! He thought I was dying. He kept telling me that “sometimes when we’re happy, we are sad” (this is because one time I told him that sometimes when we are happy we also cry happy tears). He gave me lots and lots of big squeezes and we went out to lunch with Daddy and killed time at the library.

During Milo’s naptime, I fell asleep exhausted from the early morning’s excitement and the emotion. It was just what I needed. When I awoke, the rain was gone and so were my tears. It was just minutes before we had to pick Ro up from the bus.

…and Milo was still waking up from his nap.

Ro popped off the bus and said, “I loved it!” And I was overjoyed for him.

I never had a doubt that he wouldn’t thrive.

He recounted his day in bits and pieces.  And we tried our best to soak it all in.

And then, later, he held his brother’s hand while they waited for the ice cream truck.

….And like ice cream on an August day, my heart melted.

 

Roman, I’m so proud of you. Your are a dynamic and sweet boy. You’ll have lots of fun now that you’re in school. I hate to know this opens you up to the big scary world but I love to see glimpses that our home and family will always be in your heart.

I pray that this, along with God’s hand, will be your protection and guidance.

Love, Mommy